self control is important

i think that the most fitting way to start this writing piece would be to talk about my history of drug use.

i have fucked with a lot of drugs. opiates, benzodiazepines, various stimulants, dissociatives, psychedelics, miscellaneous gabaergics, and i managed to not irreversibly fuck up my life from doing so.

like, i’m talking about doing meth and heroin daily, not even really to have fun, but just to get through the day. i was absolutely miserable, and these drugs were my small little window of escapism.

i’d do heroin on the bus to unwind after a long day, and get a handle on all my aches and pains, which were worsened by my highly physical job. i’d do meth to have the energy, motivation and alertness i’d need to move 70lb boxes for the length of a workday and then shower immediately after my long commute home.

but, even during this miserable period of my life, i never really lost sight of trying to navigate my relationship with the substances i used. i was frequently trying to evaluate my use of these drugs, and the impacts they had on my life.

of course, at the time, my relationship with these substances wasn’t great.
but, i was still doing everything i could to, at the very least, try to stay painfully aware of this. i was trying my best to keep myself from getting too far into the protective delusion that this was completely fine.

i was throwing psychedelics and dissociatives at myself frequently enough to keep myself from sticking my head in the sand in regards to my drug use. i was trying my best to best to set myself limits and moderate my intake, even while also trying not to loose my job.

i eventually lost my job regardless. after the most miserable month of my life, which i won’t get into here, i eventually had to move out.

i felt horrible about this at the time, but looking back, this sudden move-out ended up being a positive thing for me.

after over a month of internal debate and changing my mind multiple times, i eventually ended up getting off of opioids for good.

i didn’t end up getting off of amphetamines entirely, as i felt they were still mostly a positive force in my life. but, i set myself more guidelines to ensure that i could keep my relationship with them healthy for the foreseeable future.

this wasn’t easy; this was a long-winding journey that lasted for months and months, and most of the details are omitted here.

however, those details are omitted because they aren’t important here. this isn’t a document where i try to push my experiences with these drugs into other people (it’s not. i believe opioids can be helpful to people in certain circumstances, i just don’t think this ended up being the case for me.), and this isn’t a document where i try to say “limiting bodily autonomy is good, actually” (it’s not, people need to be allowed to make mistakes sometimes. the drug war has huge negative consequences on society, and the negative consequences from the potential of increased drug use as a result of drug legalization are vastly outweighed by the positive effects of having a regulated market that doesn’t sell adulterated drugs that kill people).

this is a document about self control. and, the most important part here, looking past the specific drugs and the specific circumstances, was that i was dedicated to staying in control of myself, rather then hiding in comfortable lies.

no matter what it took, i was always persistent with constantly reevaluating the net impact my choices were having on my life.

i have another example, from an earlier time in my life. one which is considerably lower stakes, but which still demonstrates the same idea. one which normal people might be able to better relate to.

like virtually everyone else, i like junk food. everyone in my family has their own category of junk food that they let themselves indulge in a bit more than they should, despite knowing the negative long-term consequences.

i was no different. i loved sweets, and arguably ate too many of them. but, i realized this, and put together a plan to manage my sugar intake.

i won’t draw too much of a comparison between sugar and psychoactive drugs, because, in my opinion, the two aren’t comparable in severity. you do get cravings during sugar withdrawal, sure, but it’s nowhere near as bad as heroin withdrawal.

but, one major piece of overlap between the two is that gradually reducing your intake of something can reduce the severity of withdrawal symptoms. so, i went about doing this as well.

i’ll use soda as the example here.
first, i’d move from regular soda to diet soda. this would allow me to considerably reduce my sugar intake, while still being able to alleviate the cravings i got for it.

then, as time went on, i’d switch from diet soda to flavored sparkling water, then flavored sparkling water to unflavored sparkling water, and then just switch entirely to only drinking water.

now, just like the drugs, this was a rocky journey, and i didn’t always do a great job at managing my intake. but, i was consistent in trying to, and because of my consistency, i eventually succeeded.
but, like drugs, success isn’t something you achieve once and it’s done. it’s something that will always take some degree of effort to maintain for the rest of your life. sometimes you’ll fuck up and end up repeating the cycle to some degree.

none of us are perfect, but we can try to become the best versions of ourselves that we can.

and, finally, the reason i wrote this document all along. social media.

i don’t think that social media is, overall, a bad thing. it allows us to connect with other people when in-person opportunities to do so are limited or nonexistent, and can definitely be a positive force in your life if you use it well.

but, it’s also designed to be addictive and unhealthy for you mentally. it is junk food of the brain.

have some in moderation, sure, but moderation is the important word here.

even if we don’t always like to eat healthy foods, we should do so anyways, because it’s good for us.
even if we don’t like to be bored, we should do so anyways, because it’s good for our minds.

start setting yourself a limit, today. slowly work that limit down, bit by bit.

and, maybe, just maybe, you might find a healthier, more fulfilling life on the other side.

so, overall, i believe in the importance of self control.

we should all strive to take control of ourselves, rather than letting our environment take control of us.

i do not say this to push some twisted idea that pleasure is bad or that you shouldn’t enjoy the comforts of a modern life.

i say this from a place of love, from a place of caring about others.

i say this because i want people to live happier, freer lives.
lives where they are the ones in control.
lives that they choose, rather than lives that are chosen for them.