you should meet your online friends irl

being raised by the internet

when i was young, i always stuck out like a sore thumb. i was autistic, nerdy, weird, and the other students could smell my still-in-the-closet queerness from a mile away. i was relentlessly bullied just for existing, and struggled to make any friends at all, let alone friendships that felt genuinely fulfilling.

so, i decided to try a different approach.

i made my first Twitter account when i was 13.

everyone loves to talk about how terrible Twitter is, and well, their complaints aren't exactly wrong. if you aren't careful about how you use it, Twitter can be an absolute mental-health-ruining hellsite.

but, despite the rather obvious downsides, Twitter changed my life for the better by introducing me to some of the best friends i've ever had.^[1]

friends who helped me discover
who i was,
what possibilities the world holds,
what i can become,
and who shaped me into the person i am today.

friends who were there for me when nobody else was,
who made the low points of my life tolerable,
who guided me towards better decisions,
and who arguably saved my life far more times than i'd like to admit.

however, i'm not a child anymore. i have agency over my life now, and i can choose to go places that have the kinds of people that i'd like to meet.

the beauty of being in the same place

there are a lot of experiences that just aren't possible over the internet.
walking in the rain together,
watching the sun set together,
hugging each-other,
or just existing together, with no words being necessary because everything is conveyed by presense alone.
"i enjoy spending my time with you."

there's just so much to the experience of being somewhere, of being together, that can't be conveyed through text or emulated through transmitted video and audio.

and, funnily enough, once you're surrounded by your "kind of people", making new friends is far easier in-person than it is online.
it happens by accident. you end up meeting plenty of people with very similar interests and experiences to you, and once you get through the brief period of awkwardness, you often realize that you get along quite well.

schelling points

after going to vibecamp for the first time last year, i've been thinking about the role of events in these kinds of long-distance friendships.

they provide a valuable schelling point. at the right events, you can meet some of your online friends in-person with minimal or no coordination being required, as many of these same friends were already planning on going to the same event as you.

vibecamp^[2]

if you're similar to me (high-openness, nerdy, curious/creative), i've found that vibecamp can be an incredible experience, both for meeting up with existing internet friends (i swear, it feels like half the people i talk to on Twitter are there, but obviously ymmv) and making new friends.

i personally considered it to be life-changing. it opened my eyes to how beautiful being around "my kind of people" can be, and helped me internalize how important it is to spend time together in-person.^[3]

what are you waiting for?

Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage.

if you're not used to it, meeting up in-person or going to an event for the first time can feel terrifying.

but it's worth it.

you need to actually live life rather than living vicariously through the experiences of others. otherwise, someday you will look back on the past, and you will wish that you had stepped outside your comfort zone rather than sticking to what feels familar and safe.

the world isn't as scary as your mind makes it out to be.